relapse for me

Well sitting there having a great time with my hubby playing guitar hero and watching storm stories in between rounds.  Just in time to hear that a woman and child of six months were in a tornado both thrown through the air and mother couldn't find the baby.  That got me upset.  Then not wanting to continued to watch as she went into complete detail of how the baby looked when she did find her which sent me into tears remembering the day we lost alison.  I couldn't watch anymore.  I couldn't find out whether they saved her or not.  If they did save her I would've been upset and happy all at once knowing that that woman hadn't lost her baby but that something so likely to not survive would and someone who was just sick they couldn't do anything for.  I relapsed for about a week this time but now I still can't get that day out of my mind.  I have pushed it out for a long time now knowing that she is safe and loved now with Christ and my friend lisa who we lost to cancer as her new mother and father til I get there but the fact that i'm not there yet still bugs me a little but more then that is just remembering that day so vividly that it scares me like I can't get past it.  Now missed a period too which i'm not happy about but my life belongs to God completly so whatever happens happens but I don't want that to happen now.